Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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