sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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