omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
