i was rollin on her like bob the builder
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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