i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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