i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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