he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
