you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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