sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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