Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
