theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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