naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
