he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
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