i just wanna soil my oats bro
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
