I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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