Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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