would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
