So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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