in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
did i just pee glitter
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Just puked most of my soul out..
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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