Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
