when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
