i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Never underestimate the power of titties
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
