girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
