I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
