She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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