found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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