Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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