Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
