Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
