my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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