so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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