No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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