dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
