Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
