Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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