he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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