What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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