Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
