I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
