i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
