Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
