Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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