We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
