I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
