i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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