she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
