3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
