the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
