Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
