im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
