Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
