I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
